It's surprising how often we think that a particular person has a specific set of qualities they developed through their life. It all starts from school: we know that Bob likes sports, and Alice is a bookworm. Somehow these traits may stick to us and become a part of our identity. We earn new qualities with time.
Interestingly enough, some of these qualities are not permanent; they highly depend on the environment we live in, people we connect with, and our life experiences.
It gets me to the point that people have no precisely defined qualities—some of them are derivatives of external factors that form a context. A single person may have different characteristics in different conditions.
For example, the same worker may be unproductive in one job and be valuable in another. Becoming a leader requires other people to follow a person, trust them, and perceive them that way. Having common interests with friends solely depend on who the friends are. And so on.
What does it mean for you? Well, you should stop trying to develop certain qualities in yourself. Build a proper context around to inherit qualities you believe worth having. That's why it's useful to be a part of a community; everyone will shine when they belong to the right one.
- Find a suitable environment that helps you, not punishes you.
- Look for supportive people who can unlock your potential.